We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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