i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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