i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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