drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
