There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
