I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
