I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
