Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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