I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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