she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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