I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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