One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
