So drunk its hurt
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
