I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
