so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?