At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.