I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.