I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if only i could text you this smell
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
