I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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