Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
