do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
