Do you still have your period?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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