I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
