You're my little dorito
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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