What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
