some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
