So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
