Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
