Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
