he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
