im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
