i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
