Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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