I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
