I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
