You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
