Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
