Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
