I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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