I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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