he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
