I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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