And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
