Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
