You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
