in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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