I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
