cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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