I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dicks are not precious.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
