He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
