remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
