Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
