I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
