if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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