i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize