If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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