i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
