how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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