You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
