She went from zero to smokin in five shots
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
