i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
