When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
