I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
