I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
