yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
