brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's shark week go big or go home
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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