The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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