I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
