I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
