Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
