she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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