You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
