after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
