we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize