Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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