no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
