You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just forgot I was standing up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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