If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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