Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
