So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
