Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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