Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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