I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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