New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
