I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
