it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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