Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize