So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
